Latest news from the basket case that is Ireland...
It has been proven that our police cannot be trusted and need to be investigated. We cannot get our politicians to investigate them because it has been proven they cannot be trusted either.
So we have decided to get someone to investigate both from that most trustworthy of all groups... lawyers.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014
Monday, 17 February 2014
The darkness descends...
My son is running around. He is enjoying himself. There's laughter and mirth. With every passing second of me seeing this I hate myself just a little bit more. He doesn't deserve such a useless lump as a father. Sitting. Festering. Not even dying, not even existing, just... there.
Tears stream. Thoughts stream faster. All negative. All bad. Trying to think positive, it doesn't work. It is one of those days. Remind myself that future days will be better, then use that as a reason to feel worse about myself now. You are failing I say. Today I agree.
There's nothing more to say. One of those days. It'll go away soon. I hope.
Tears stream. Thoughts stream faster. All negative. All bad. Trying to think positive, it doesn't work. It is one of those days. Remind myself that future days will be better, then use that as a reason to feel worse about myself now. You are failing I say. Today I agree.
There's nothing more to say. One of those days. It'll go away soon. I hope.
Friday, 14 February 2014
Life begins at 40.
By the time they hit 40 most people will have their lives figured out and be well on the way to, if not at the top, of their chosen career. Or they will at least have a job that they enjoy and which allows them to live a happy family life. There may even be the fleeting thought of retirement, no doubt provisions having already been made in that regard.
I'm a bit different; I have no job, no career and absolutely no real clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. The difficult thing I have to fight at the moment is the thoughts that there is no point in even trying because it is too late, my life is already over. My depression and anxiety will throw a million different reasons at me to do nothing but sit and wallow, but for now I don't want to think about those. I want to talk about how I got here and how sympathy is probably the worst thing you can give someone like me.
My childhood was an absolute mess. There was bullying, there was fear, there was loneliness both at home and in school. If I had to describe my life until my teens in one word it would be; alone. By far the biggest cause of all of this was the continual emotional abuse I received at the hands of my parents. It was unrelenting, a never-ending life of nonsense that is actually difficult to put into words. Not because of any emotional reason or that I have forgotten about it, I have cried enough in therapy to cause floods like we have seen in the last few days, but because it was such a jumbled mess of anger, abuse, emotional blackmail and whatever else you can think of thrown into the mix. From the outside it looked like an ideal world, as most abusive households do, but living through it was hell. And now trying to process it all and restart my life in a normal manner is hell again.
But the purpose of this post is not to regale you with tales of horror, it is to try to explain to you how dealing with someone like me by offering sympathy instead of empathy will do nothing but lead me further down the hole of self-pitying victimhood.
As simply as I can put it, if I were to sit down with you and discuss all the bullshit my parents inflicted on me there are two simple roads you can take (assuming you don't just run away, which would be understandable), one of sympathy and one of empathy. Sympathy will probably lead to a long conversation of how horrible my parents were and that they should be made to pay and how none of it was my fault. This is all pointless. It will get me nowhere, the conversation focuses on my parents.
Empathy is different. Empathy means you will listen, you might not even say anything. You will just understand as best as you are able. And if you understand that will lead to you doing the right thing, as empathy at its most basic is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. If you do that you would realise that someone like me lacks self-worth and no amount of talking about how bad my abusers were will give me that.
These were hugely difficult concepts for me to get my head around, primarily of course because I was brought up in a house where empathy did not exist, but I hope I have managed to get them across. The reason I have tried to do so is because I see so many today walking around with mental health problems as a badge of honour. They are wallowing in victimhood and are fed by a media who doesn't understand and who probably thinks that talk of the abusers will get more viewers, listeners or readers. It might well do but it is doing harm to a lot of people.
For all intents and purposes everyone with mental health issues should be focusing on themselves and in a positive way. That is difficult, hugely difficult for someone like me, but if you see me wallowing in self-pity you shouldn't be afraid to tell me so just because some others might accuse you of not dealing with mental health in the "correct" way. Trust me, I HAVE to do stuff to get out of this, I HAVE to figure out where my life is going and I HAVE to walk down that path. If you tell me that I need to move my fat ass instead of telling me that I am entitled to sit and wallow because of the way I was treated then you will be doing me a favour. And I am in no way unique.
I'm a bit different; I have no job, no career and absolutely no real clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. The difficult thing I have to fight at the moment is the thoughts that there is no point in even trying because it is too late, my life is already over. My depression and anxiety will throw a million different reasons at me to do nothing but sit and wallow, but for now I don't want to think about those. I want to talk about how I got here and how sympathy is probably the worst thing you can give someone like me.
My childhood was an absolute mess. There was bullying, there was fear, there was loneliness both at home and in school. If I had to describe my life until my teens in one word it would be; alone. By far the biggest cause of all of this was the continual emotional abuse I received at the hands of my parents. It was unrelenting, a never-ending life of nonsense that is actually difficult to put into words. Not because of any emotional reason or that I have forgotten about it, I have cried enough in therapy to cause floods like we have seen in the last few days, but because it was such a jumbled mess of anger, abuse, emotional blackmail and whatever else you can think of thrown into the mix. From the outside it looked like an ideal world, as most abusive households do, but living through it was hell. And now trying to process it all and restart my life in a normal manner is hell again.
But the purpose of this post is not to regale you with tales of horror, it is to try to explain to you how dealing with someone like me by offering sympathy instead of empathy will do nothing but lead me further down the hole of self-pitying victimhood.
As simply as I can put it, if I were to sit down with you and discuss all the bullshit my parents inflicted on me there are two simple roads you can take (assuming you don't just run away, which would be understandable), one of sympathy and one of empathy. Sympathy will probably lead to a long conversation of how horrible my parents were and that they should be made to pay and how none of it was my fault. This is all pointless. It will get me nowhere, the conversation focuses on my parents.
Empathy is different. Empathy means you will listen, you might not even say anything. You will just understand as best as you are able. And if you understand that will lead to you doing the right thing, as empathy at its most basic is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. If you do that you would realise that someone like me lacks self-worth and no amount of talking about how bad my abusers were will give me that.
These were hugely difficult concepts for me to get my head around, primarily of course because I was brought up in a house where empathy did not exist, but I hope I have managed to get them across. The reason I have tried to do so is because I see so many today walking around with mental health problems as a badge of honour. They are wallowing in victimhood and are fed by a media who doesn't understand and who probably thinks that talk of the abusers will get more viewers, listeners or readers. It might well do but it is doing harm to a lot of people.
For all intents and purposes everyone with mental health issues should be focusing on themselves and in a positive way. That is difficult, hugely difficult for someone like me, but if you see me wallowing in self-pity you shouldn't be afraid to tell me so just because some others might accuse you of not dealing with mental health in the "correct" way. Trust me, I HAVE to do stuff to get out of this, I HAVE to figure out where my life is going and I HAVE to walk down that path. If you tell me that I need to move my fat ass instead of telling me that I am entitled to sit and wallow because of the way I was treated then you will be doing me a favour. And I am in no way unique.
Friday, 7 February 2014
Every day the laughter dies.
If you gave me a choice between attending a music concert in a state-of-the-art venue with tickets to a private box including free food & drink or going to a grubby comedy club next door where there's holes in the seats and you are overcharged for whichever one of the two types of alcohol on offer you choose, then there is no choice. The comedy club would win every time.
The comedians may be crap and the clientele a bit smelly but you will at least get one thing at some stage during the night that will make you think. I don't get that from music, never have. The only thing that music has ever made me think is "how does this cunt keep getting away with it?" when I remember Bono exists.
But I can't laugh any more. I could listen to one of the few comedic geniuses we have left and while I might crack a smile or even snigger it will be gone within seconds. Laughter means happiness and depression doesn't do happiness. Before the thought may have been one of dissecting the joke and mentally congratulating the comic now there is only "why didn't you think of that you useless cunt".
There are so many shit comics around these days, peddling either political bullshit masquerading as comedy, falling over while wearing funny clothes or just trying to say the most outrageous thing possible without giving regard to it actually being funny that now should be a time where, contrary to popular belief, it is not horrendously difficult to break through. There are people out there desperate for real comedy.
And then of course there's the point that you should be doing it for yourself, if you find it funny then other people will, you aren't unique in that regard after all. But none of that makes any difference, in my head I am useless and there's no point in doing anything for myself because I have absolutely no self-worth.
I know somewhere deep down inside me there is the capability to be funny. Sometime it creeps out but the problem is that it needs to be nurtured, molded and trained into something that can work. The depression keeps it buried. In fact it doesn't just bury it, it comes along with a big shovel and smacks it around the head first just to make sure it doesn't get any more ideas.
Here's how it goes and I imagine this is probably the same for anyone with depression for whatever true career that they would like to have...
Think or say something funny.......... no that's not funny you useless cunt, that first line was appalling, people will fucking laugh at you all right but because you're a stupid cunt. Anyone who told you that was funny is just saying it to try and make you feel better because they know you're a stupid depressed asshole. You're not funny, if you were you'd have done something with it by now. You're almost 40 you fucking twat, people don't start being funny at your age asshole.
I could go on but the tears are coming. It's sickening. It's depressing. It's every fucking day.
The comedians may be crap and the clientele a bit smelly but you will at least get one thing at some stage during the night that will make you think. I don't get that from music, never have. The only thing that music has ever made me think is "how does this cunt keep getting away with it?" when I remember Bono exists.
But I can't laugh any more. I could listen to one of the few comedic geniuses we have left and while I might crack a smile or even snigger it will be gone within seconds. Laughter means happiness and depression doesn't do happiness. Before the thought may have been one of dissecting the joke and mentally congratulating the comic now there is only "why didn't you think of that you useless cunt".
There are so many shit comics around these days, peddling either political bullshit masquerading as comedy, falling over while wearing funny clothes or just trying to say the most outrageous thing possible without giving regard to it actually being funny that now should be a time where, contrary to popular belief, it is not horrendously difficult to break through. There are people out there desperate for real comedy.
And then of course there's the point that you should be doing it for yourself, if you find it funny then other people will, you aren't unique in that regard after all. But none of that makes any difference, in my head I am useless and there's no point in doing anything for myself because I have absolutely no self-worth.
I know somewhere deep down inside me there is the capability to be funny. Sometime it creeps out but the problem is that it needs to be nurtured, molded and trained into something that can work. The depression keeps it buried. In fact it doesn't just bury it, it comes along with a big shovel and smacks it around the head first just to make sure it doesn't get any more ideas.
Here's how it goes and I imagine this is probably the same for anyone with depression for whatever true career that they would like to have...
Think or say something funny.......... no that's not funny you useless cunt, that first line was appalling, people will fucking laugh at you all right but because you're a stupid cunt. Anyone who told you that was funny is just saying it to try and make you feel better because they know you're a stupid depressed asshole. You're not funny, if you were you'd have done something with it by now. You're almost 40 you fucking twat, people don't start being funny at your age asshole.
I could go on but the tears are coming. It's sickening. It's depressing. It's every fucking day.
Monday, 3 February 2014
The "Top Reds" must now be vanquished.
David Moyes is gone. Finished. It is only a matter of time. The ineptitude that was so clear to so many before he walked through the door at Carrington last June now hits you so hard in the face that everyone who watches United knows what it was like to face Mike Tyson in his prime.
We all knew it would be this way. Moyes has always been a bad manager, he just happened to be part of the furniture at an Everton team where avoiding relegation was a success. The fact that he was there for a decade is, contrary to popular belief, not a sign of his talent. It is the opposite, it shows just how useless he is. How many times in the 10 years Moyes was at Goodison did a club above them approach him to be their manager? I certainly don't remember any but what everyone will remember is how many times in that decade were other teams looking for a good manager. Hundreds, and none of them ever thought to go for Moyes. Imagine for a second the stick United fans would have given City or Chelsea had they used Moyes as one of their many coaches. And all of it would have been deserved.
So why then was Moyes accepted at United? Simple, the man who could do no wrong picked him. Sir Alex Ferguson could have demanded the removal of George Best's statue outside Old Trafford, giving the excuse that he wasn't a good role model to some of the young players coming through, and there wouldn't have been a peep from a section of fans and any discontent from others would have quickly been silenced.
The truth is that for all his success Fergie made plenty of mistakes when he was at United. He should have won the European Cup at least three more times and not have lost the league at least twice. Is it greed to want these as well as the success we had? Of course it is, but this is about winning, if you aren't supporting a football team and wanting to win everything then you're doing it wrong.
Fergie was above criticism though and it wasn't only his success that kept him there. It was the so-called "Top Red". The section of United fans who consider themselves somehow 'better' fans. The devoted, the loyal, the one true fan. They have sat atop their ivory towers for years, using insults to control the mere ordinary fans below them.
Now they cry for Moyes to be given more time, they remind us that Fergie was even though this was a different age and United were an abject failure when Fergie took over. They say that anyone calling for Moyes to be sacked is not a real United fan. What is a real fan anyway, is there an official test? Do FIFA have a handbook to guide you? Can you be an unreal fan?
The thing is that the 'Top Reds' are not United fans. They don't care in the slightest what happens to United, all they want is for people to see them as better than everyone else. And they want to control.
Well now is the time that we must take back control. However you want to be a United fan is up to you, if this means calling for Moyes head then so be it. Do not let those who have no real interest in the club control you into tempering your passion, direct that passion where it is deserved; towards an mediocre manager and the clubs owners who now must sack him. The sooner the better. He is destroying the club more each day, a title winning side that has added £60million (Fellaini & Mata) worth of players and brought up one of the best young prospects in a long time (Janujaz) now is not even being laughed off the pitch after being beaten by a Stoke side managed by Mark Hughes. There is no laughter because it is expected, even the United haters can't be bothered laughing any more, in the space of 10 months things have become that bad.
All caused because the last man on earth who should have been picking the next United manager did. Ferguson's massive ego may have helped bring success but it also brought failure and stupid decisions, this one being the biggest.
Forget about the 'Top Reds', consign them to the same dustbin to which Moyes' reign must be sent immediately.
We all knew it would be this way. Moyes has always been a bad manager, he just happened to be part of the furniture at an Everton team where avoiding relegation was a success. The fact that he was there for a decade is, contrary to popular belief, not a sign of his talent. It is the opposite, it shows just how useless he is. How many times in the 10 years Moyes was at Goodison did a club above them approach him to be their manager? I certainly don't remember any but what everyone will remember is how many times in that decade were other teams looking for a good manager. Hundreds, and none of them ever thought to go for Moyes. Imagine for a second the stick United fans would have given City or Chelsea had they used Moyes as one of their many coaches. And all of it would have been deserved.
So why then was Moyes accepted at United? Simple, the man who could do no wrong picked him. Sir Alex Ferguson could have demanded the removal of George Best's statue outside Old Trafford, giving the excuse that he wasn't a good role model to some of the young players coming through, and there wouldn't have been a peep from a section of fans and any discontent from others would have quickly been silenced.
The truth is that for all his success Fergie made plenty of mistakes when he was at United. He should have won the European Cup at least three more times and not have lost the league at least twice. Is it greed to want these as well as the success we had? Of course it is, but this is about winning, if you aren't supporting a football team and wanting to win everything then you're doing it wrong.
Fergie was above criticism though and it wasn't only his success that kept him there. It was the so-called "Top Red". The section of United fans who consider themselves somehow 'better' fans. The devoted, the loyal, the one true fan. They have sat atop their ivory towers for years, using insults to control the mere ordinary fans below them.
Now they cry for Moyes to be given more time, they remind us that Fergie was even though this was a different age and United were an abject failure when Fergie took over. They say that anyone calling for Moyes to be sacked is not a real United fan. What is a real fan anyway, is there an official test? Do FIFA have a handbook to guide you? Can you be an unreal fan?
The thing is that the 'Top Reds' are not United fans. They don't care in the slightest what happens to United, all they want is for people to see them as better than everyone else. And they want to control.
Well now is the time that we must take back control. However you want to be a United fan is up to you, if this means calling for Moyes head then so be it. Do not let those who have no real interest in the club control you into tempering your passion, direct that passion where it is deserved; towards an mediocre manager and the clubs owners who now must sack him. The sooner the better. He is destroying the club more each day, a title winning side that has added £60million (Fellaini & Mata) worth of players and brought up one of the best young prospects in a long time (Janujaz) now is not even being laughed off the pitch after being beaten by a Stoke side managed by Mark Hughes. There is no laughter because it is expected, even the United haters can't be bothered laughing any more, in the space of 10 months things have become that bad.
All caused because the last man on earth who should have been picking the next United manager did. Ferguson's massive ego may have helped bring success but it also brought failure and stupid decisions, this one being the biggest.
Forget about the 'Top Reds', consign them to the same dustbin to which Moyes' reign must be sent immediately.
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