I'm just in from a Frankie Boyle gig and I may not be the soberest. So this probably isn't a good idea. But fuck it, Prince Philip and Queen Liz probably thought it was a good idea to have kids and that didn't exactly work out well did it.
Ok, good start, piss off the English. Well isn't that the point of an Irishman's existence? Most of them think so, the fucking morons. I know there's a lot of fun made of the 'stupid Irishman' but like all good stereotypes there is a semblance of truth. The Irish really are fucking stupid. Seriously. I mean fucking retarded in a way that would make Jade Goody look like Einstein's more intelligent sister. But she can't, as she's dead. Thank fuck.
Hang on, I need a pee and a smoke.
Ok. I'm back.
Where was I? Oh, yes - stupidity.
It's about time that we realised that stupidity is the human race's only way forward. The realisation that you are as thick as a thick plank that has just graduated from the University of stupidity with a degree in retardation means that you are in fact a genius.
Think about it!
Look at people throughout history who thought they knew better. Morons, the fucking lot of them. I mean most of them think they have the answers to the great questions. Why are we here? Fuck knows! NO ONE has a fucking clue. And better than that no one has the capability of ever understanding why. Smart people know this. Idiots try to answer it by saying some old bloke with a beard made it all happen. Or some mountain climber. Or Tom Cruise.
I've lost my train of thought. Drink does that to you. But surprisingly my punctuation still seems to be perfectly ok. Or should that be O.K. Or okay.
Anyway for those who stopped reading when I said I wanted a smoke I will say this: well they've stopped reading so I can say what I like.
But! Yes smoking is bad for you. Yes it's killing me. But it's fucking enjoyable. As is everything that is bad for you. Shouldn't that be realisation enough that we are a fucking joke that can't even make things that are good for us enjoyable?
Muesli is good for you. Show me one person who says eating it is enjoyable and I'll show you a bigger liar than John Terry. The cheating cunt.
"It's about time that we realised that stupidity is the human race's only way forward. The realisation that you are as thick as a thick plank that has just graduated from the University of stupidity with a degree in retardation means that you are in fact a genius."
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Gaz, this is what the Buddha called enlightenment! Or, more contemporarily, based on the wisdom and teachings of our scouse pal TommyB, a hot dog with everything!
you hit the nail on the head mate
ReplyDeleteGAz, i like this blog coz i feeled like it was talking to me ona subject i understand and stuff...
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, thats a cracker mate, or is it a craicer? I dunno what ever the good one is...
Oh just wanted to say that Jade Lives on in all of our hearts... We love you JADE!
Aldi brand museli ... though that's because it's about 80% fruit :P
ReplyDeleteoi wheres my comment gone? come on, who nicked it?
ReplyDeletecant remember what it said but it was well funny but not nearly as funny as your blog, gaz, keep it up, me old mucker.
oh yes thats it - it was a david niven story. his hungarian director shouted at him "you think i know fuck nothing, but let me tell you - I know fuck all!" cant remember what the relevance was, now.
Wow - deep Gaz - at last the truth is written - I enjoyed the read mate - Im off to become a Budhist after that :)
ReplyDeletesort the time out mate
ReplyDelete(bloody Paddys)
:)
Good one Gaz. I enjoyed that.
ReplyDeleteThe only problem i have is your sheer arrogance (which i find is typical amongst your fellow countrymen) "The Irish really are fucking stupid"...hark at you....jeez. Us English can be just as stupid, if not more so. My missus was just watching the junior apprentice and one of the pipsqueaks said "im not very good with numbers"...see....fancy going for a job like that when you cant fucking add up!
I would give you lots of examples but im too stupid to remember them.
oh and im a quarter scottish so i can say the scottish are thick as shit as well. Thank god for the welsh. They are dead clever.
Well you do have to be clever to stop the sheep from running away!
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