Which goat will escape?

So the time is nearly upon us. The only rightful team sporting event that can be called a World Cup is about to start. I'm sorry but rugby and cricket don't count. Firstly they aren't real sports and secondly a World Cup has to include more countries than those that were originally outposts for a historical version of Group 4 Securitas.

And the less said about the American 'World Series' type events the better.

No, this is all about the footie. And of course as Ireland will not be competing we will have to find other ways to enjoy it. Normally this involves supporting Anyone But England but this time, due to a certain cheating basketball impersonator, the French have filled the 'most-hated' position.

Now obviously we can't go as far as wanting England to win the thing. Luckily England won't go that far either, so in what way can we watch their inevitable failure and still have a bit of fun doing it?

Well, how about a sweepstake of sorts. Everyone gets to pick a likely candidate for "Scapegoat in chief", the unfortunate chump who will be blamed for another glorious failure by England's brave soldiers.

In the past we've had everyone from Maradona with his hand of Spaghetti Monster to Graham 'The Turnip' Taylor, who managed to fail before he even got there. There's been a plethora of penalty missers and of course Beckham went from saviour to devil and back to saviour again quicker than his wife running away from a buffet table.

Then last time Christiano Ronaldo easily filled the villain void by being both foreign and a United player. He even went so far as winking, giving pun-meisters the easiest rhyming headlines ever.

So who will it be this time? Well make your choice from the suspects below...

Rio Ferdinand - Being a United player and capable of making schoolboy errors that would have schoolboys up and down the country demanding to be called something else could make Rio a shoe-in. However the fact that his fitness is as good as Homer Simpson's means he's unlikely to play much. Odds: 25/1

John Terry - Hated by everyone but Chelsea fans and friends girlfriends, JT seems like a likely candidate. Although he'll probably just make a balls-up, deny it, threaten to sue and no one will ever be able to talk about it again. 40/1

St. Steven of Gerrard - Having played for Liverpool for his entire career, losing is something that comes naturally to our Stevie. Being Scouse of course means blaming it on someone else is also de rigeur. So expect Fabio to take the flack after a Starfish dive goes drastically wrong. 10/1

Wayne Rooney - Being touted as the WC winner for England so surely destined to be blamed when it all goes wrong. He won't score the 147 goals that are expected of him (probably because he'll be too busy picking Emile up off the floor) and being a United player means he can easily be hated. That and ugly rich people are always hated. 8/1

Fabio - Currently a genius. But he's not English so after the glorious failure he easily slips back into being 'Johnny Foreigner' and the Daily Mail can have a field day. 8/1

Random Foreigner whose cheating results in a dodgy penno or sending off thus depriving England of their rightful place as winners - A clear favourite. Evens. Just who will it be? Could that cheating French basteurad of a captain do it again? Here's hoping!